"Not all Republicans Should be Shot--Only Republican Zombies"
Democrats for Automatic Weapons President Mark Salditch Issues Clarification, Announces Million Armed Liberals March on Wasington, D.C.

November 8, 2004 - Dallas, TX - In response to numerous complaints from the nation's Republicans, Democrats for Automatic Weapons President Mark Salditch has issued the following statement:

"The DAW categorically does not advocate the willy-nilly shooting of all Republicans," Salditch said.

"While we realize that there are more of them than there are of us, the thinning of the Republican herd is not a call for open season on the entire GOP. It is understandable that people like billionaires Steve Forbes and Dick Cheney are Republicans, they're only voting in their own self interest. But for an Ohio factory worker or Florida waitress to vote Republican is against their self interests and can only be explained one way--They must be zombies."

Were you a victim of yard sign theft or vandalism? Then the people who own assault weapons know where you live. We must have fully automatic weapons to trump these semi-automatic weapons. Our right to protect home and hearth is absolute and protected in the Constitution. Since Tuesday, we know there are more of them than us. We can only level the playing field with superior firepower. You have every reason to be fearful for your family's safety. It's time for Democrats to arm themselves in self defense. We need bigger guns now!

So I went to my neighborhood gun shop today and you can imagine my surprise when I discovered that Americans can't own automatic weapons! Every Iraqi teenager on the evening news has several AK-47s and his big brother has a grenade launcher, but you and I are forbidden to own them. They had guns that looked like AK-47s but were not "real" automatic weapons. These evidently were the guns that the Assault Weapons Ban was all about. After much discussion, I chose a semi-automatic deer rifle with a scope that the gun dealer claimed was accurate up to 1,000 yards, a Browning BAR Safari 338. Perfect for suburban self defense. I recommend everyone get one.

Since the NRA has been so remiss in protecting our Second Amendment right to bear arms, I'm forming the Democrats for Automatic Weapons. Arm yourselves immediately and send a $25 donation to help assure military superiority over your neighbors. Join Democrats for Automatic Weapons Now! Your family's survival may depend on it.

Mark Salditch
President
Democrats for Automatic Weapons